i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
