I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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