This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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