Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
