I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
