my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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