at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
