youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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