Already got asked if we're dating
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
