do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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