Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
