I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
