That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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