he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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