Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
