your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...