i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
