this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.