Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me