FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
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...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door