im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?