Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night