I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
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After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.