Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.