remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.