Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
