Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
