Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
