when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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