If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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