Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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