"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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