my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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