I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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