I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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