her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
