Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
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his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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