if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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