i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
