For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
