At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
