Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I am morally bankrupt
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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