At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
where are my eyebrows?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
