you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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