halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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