eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
