My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
