she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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