Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
