and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
