Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
