I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
