dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
