I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
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Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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