once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
