Where did you get a picture of my penis
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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