I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
