And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
is wine microwaveable?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Randomize
