You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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