oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
