It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
