If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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