I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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