ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
