He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
