doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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