he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My bed smells like the plague
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
