I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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