Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
