break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
