Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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