I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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