i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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